Table of Contents

Can God Save An Abuser?

Yes, I know He can.

Reason #1-"Hence, also, He is able to save forever (margin, "completely") those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them." Hebrews 7:25

Reason #2-I know one. A recovered, "saved" abuser, that is. I'll spare you the details. Let's call him Kurt. He was abused, truly violated, at eight years old. He didn't have anyone to tell, so he internalized it. Years later, this victim became a victimizer. As is almost always the case, he did to others what was done to him. Finally he was apprehended and penalized. Classic, textbook stuff. But the outcome of the story will not be found in any textbook. He actually changed. The gospel took hold in his life, Jesus melted his heart, and the vicious cycle of sin was broken.

He will be in heaven, I'm convinced of it. I look forward to seeing him there, and I hope you do as well. Now, that may be a hard one. . . especially if your happiness has been marred by one of "them". Maybe you are one of the victims of abuse that the world seems to be all too littered with. Maybe your soul blows in the wind down some lost highway because of it. Maybe you have struggled to forgive and can't, struggle to forget and only remember all the more vividly. Jesus knows your pain. He "felt compassion" on the multitude then, and He feels it now, with every cell of His hyper-caring heart. But maybe you could forgive, and be free of your bitter burden if you understood forgiveness a little better. Maybe I can help you with that. It's worth a try.

When the hurt is so deep, as it is in cases of extreme sexual, physical and emotional abuse, can we really ever forgive those who hurt us? I don't see how we can get around the clear instruction to "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors" Matthew 6:12. It is plain that forgiving others and being forgiven by God come in the same package.

You can't have one without the other. Yes, God calls you to forgive those who have violated you. But-and this is important- He does not call you to trust them. There is a difference between forgiveness and trust Forgiveness is unconditionally given, trust is not. Especially when trust has been violated, it is re-established on condition.

I am boldly claiming your right, as a Christian, to distrust those who have broken trust. You forgive them because Jesus forgave everyone, including His murderers (See Luke 23:34).

But Jesus did not trust His tormenters. He spent most of His ministry avoiding them, especially when they tried to hurt Him. It wasn't until it was time for Him to die on the cross that He walked into their jaws of death. And then He did it, not because it was a good idea to submit to abuse, but because it would save you and me. Jesus suffered the crucifixion so that He could embrace the cross. He endured what abuse men gave so that He could accept the bitter cup God gave. The pain of separation from God was so great that He didn't even feel the nails, but you did, and now He feels them with you. Can you believe it?

Come back to your situation now. There they are, the ones who have ravaged your life, or the life of your dear one. You know you are called to forgive them, but they want more than that. They want to re-establish a relationship. They want you to trust them again. Should you?

It's really up to you. In some cases permanent separation is called for. But in some cases, if you wish it, trust can be re-established, if certain guidelines are followed:

1. They must freely confess their guilt. Christ's RX for Laodecia includes, "eye salve… that you may see" Rev. 3:18. Coming out of denial is the first step toward healing. An abuser in denial will abuse again, as surely as the sun will rise.

2. They must be not demand to be trusted. Read in Acts 9 of the conversion of Saul. God initiates the relationship between the newly converted Paul and the young church, proclaiming him "a chosen instrument", Acts 9:15. The point is that Paul did not proclaim himself to be appointed of God, he waited until God sent a fellow Christian to him. Paul did not demand that the Christians whom he had so recently persecuted trust him. He waited for God to communicate through another person that he had undergone a change. Often unregenerate abusers will seem to be sorry, but then will demand that they be treated with impartiality. A truly repentant abuser will accept the fear and distrust with which people regard them, realizing that, "what a man sows, that shall he also reap" Gal. 6:7.

3. They must experience true repentance, which is the only way they can be freed from their abusive addiction. 1 Corinthians 7:10 says that true repentance is "without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death." The world feels sorry that it's sin hurt itself, but only the Spirit of God can produce sorrow for how sin hurts others.". . . they will look upon Me whom they have pierced, and they will mourn for Him, as one mourns for his only son" Zech. 12:10. This true repentance will not be self-centered guilt, but true remorse for the damage that was caused to other people, and indirectly, God.

It's up to you. Yes, you are called to forgive unconditionally. But in the case of abuse, the victim may choose not to re-establish a relationship with the abuser. At that point, the very best evidence that the abuser can give that he/she is truly changed, is to respect those boundaries.

Getting back to the original question, yes, God can save the worst abuser. And God can give you forgiveness for the ones who hurt you the most. But they will have to respect your distrust of them as a natural consequence of their sin. My friend Kurt's life will never be totally normal. His heavily spotted past has brought results that have marred his happiness-for time, but not for eternity. He knows that Jesus looks upon him as if he had never sinned. Bearing this in mind, he can accept the distrust other people feel towards him.

"He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities under foot. Yea, Thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea" Micah 7:20.

Akiela Update

Remember the story about my precious dog who ran away, but I found him again? Well, the story was not over! Akiela ran away two more times!

The second time, we put an add in the same paper about him. My mom got a call from an old man who thought that he might have our dog. We went to the man's house, a small, sad place in a poor neighborhood. We walked out into the yard, and there was our precious pooch, jumping and barking his head off. We hugged him and pet him for a while, and then the man explained that he was retired and he really loved his new dog. He had bought him from the pound for five dollars! We looked around,and saw that lonely place, the old man, the bouncy dog, and we
knew that we had to leave our dog there, even though the man said that we could take him if we wanted to. We were happy-sad to give something we loved. It was like when God gave Jesus to the world. What a great cost it was to Him to be separated from His Son, but oh, how He wanted
to save us. With tears in our eyes we drove away.

That Sabbath, we received a call from the old man. "I can't keep this dog." he said, "He barks all day and my neighbors work the third shift. Can you come and get him?"

Could we come and get him!?! We were thrilled to come and get him! I think that God was trying to show is that the best things you ever receive are the ones you give away!

But Akiela had not yet learned to stay home. We will tell you about the third (and hopefully last) time he ran away in the next letter.

Alison Schwirzer

This page was last updated on 29 Mar 2002.
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